Part II
I found myself back in the office of an amazing counselor. I had seen him a number of times over the years, some to address personal challenges and some to get help in mediating the relationship with my former employer. He walked me through an assessment tool and pretty quickly suggested that I had significant anxiety and PTSD like symptoms. I knew that something was off, but I didn’t know to what extent. My upbringing trained me to have a high threshold for dealing with volatility. Why was I now, at forty-something, no longer able cope with the control and manipulation I was facing in the workplace? While I wouldn’t wish it on anybody, the recreating and healing work that emerged from the pain has become a gift.
In this second part of “When Mentors Are Monsters” I want to explore why this growing and unchecked dark side is so common in Christian leadership. As well, I’d like to explore how this experience can both be a crucible for growth if we are willing to face the pain and a breeding ground of anger and toxicity if we avoid it.
One of things that I have been reflecting on is how the pastor as CEO model of church puts CEO like leaders in the pastorate. The “church as industry” model (where a few people make the decisions and control the power for the whole church) is built on the same framework as corporate business culture. This has been particularly popularized by the church growth movement that began in the 1980’s. While the church growth movement popularized this corporate style of leadership, it was first set in motion by the Constantinian Church of Rome (4th Century AD). By declaring Christianity as the state religion, the paradigm shifted to a top down approach to leadership that has shaped the church for centuries. It is important to understand that this model of top down leadership is distinct from the early church. The New Testament picture of the early church describes the leaders using their gifts to equip, unify, and empower all the members of the body of Christ (Eph. 4:11-12; 1 Cor 12; Rom. 12:3-8).
I wonder if there is something about the pastor as CEO model that draws and develops “CEO-like” leaders. Could it be that it is in this approach to leadership that the shadow side has so much potential to grow unchecked? Much research has been done on the personality of chief executive leaders in the marketplace. A 2016 research project found that 21% of chief executive officers are psychopaths. This contrasted with 1% in the broader array of humanity. That’s right, 1 out of 5 CEO’s display psychopathology while only 1 out of 100 common people possess those characteristics. (21 percent of CEOs are psychopaths. Only 21 percent? By Gene Marks Washington Post Sept 16 ,2016). CEO like leadership can work in the Church when leaders are deeply accountable and humble. At the same time, history, the news, and even scriptures show how easily the wayward heart can overtake leaders who are given power.
To make matters worse, the expectations of perfection that are imposed on Christian leaders add further pressure to appear a certain way (sinless) and greater shame to confessing struggles. A number of years ago I heard the courageous testimony of a fellow pastor that was publicly confessing his struggle with pornography and sexual addiction. In a meeting following this, another pastor who was present at the testimony suggested that publicly disclosing our struggles was too great a step and that if that was the only path to freedom, we wouldn’t find many willing to get help. Sadly, this pastor who was cautioning the approach of public confession was later found to be losing his own battle with sexual addiction. Another friend in ministry has been very outspoken regarding his recovery from sexual addiction. After sharing his testimony with his church, a family informed him that they would be leaving the church. They told him that it was inappropriate for their teenagers to hear about his struggles. Unfortunately, many church people would prefer the appearance of being a museum for saints over being a hospital for sinners. Leaders fall when there isn’t permission to be honest, vulnerable, and accountable. They fear the shame and retaliation they will face if they confess, so they remain silent.
The enemy has a way of twisting the strengths of leaders in an effort to derail us. 1 Peter 5:8 reminds us, “Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” An overplayed strength can easily become a weakness and vulnerability where we are prone to attack. Satan can manipulate the praise of our strengths like a fog obscuring our souls from the deeper work of the Holy Spirit. “Oh pastor, no one preaches like you.” The pastor thinks to himself, “I am a gifted preacher! There’s no one who preaches like me…” The pride that exudes from success can develop a barrier of self-protection that is impervious to confession and humility. Ministry successes can work to foster this growing pride. When asked, “how come our ministry is so successful?” If the first words out of our mouths and more importantly our hearts are not, “by the grace of God” we are stepping in a dangerous direction. Even the fact that we refer to it as “our” ministry, “our” people, or “our” staff show who we think deserves the credit. As influence grows so can the dark side of the leader.
While all of these external pressures (the structure and model of leadership, peoples’ expectations, and the attack of the Devil) are very real, one of the greatest reasons that we fall into these dark side behaviors is because of sin at war within us. As Paul wrote in Romans 7:21 , “So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me.” These words remind us, that like Paul, we are wretches (Romans 7:24) capable of giving in to sin. As I stated in Part I, we all have the capacity for atrocity. One comment from the last post said, “It stirs in me remorse and confession too, for words and actions when I have chosen to be a pirate, rather than a pastor” (Thanks Tim Heffer). That’s exactly the reality, we are all capable of this.
How can we surrender these painful and often abusive circumstances to God in order to find freedom and healing?
One of the gifts of this season have been my regular meetings with a mental health professional. The counselor that I meet with has continually invited me to “travel light.” What he means by this is the truth that if we don’t deal with our hurts, they are like a truck load or backpack of toxic waste that we are carrying around with us everywhere we go leaking out on our most precious relationships. It reminds me of the biblical motif that the ways we are sinned against, if not healed, create sin tendencies in us. This is why abuse victims are more likely to become abusers. In the Old Testament, it is often referred to as generational sin. Interrupting this cycle requires grace and healing. The unpacking and healing work begins with not allowing our hurts to define us. Victims are focused on their wounds. Survivors become defensive as a way to protect their wounds. But God invites us to be conquerors and warriors. If we receive this invitation, our identity will be shaped not by our hurts, but by the strengths that emerge from our pain. Our response to others won’t be a shield of defensiveness, but rather a sword of grace. We can travel lightly when we turn to face our hurts and find the gift of forgiveness and healing. It reminds me of the image of 2 Corinthians 4, we are fragile vessels that display the all surpassing power of God. It’s in our weakness that His strength is made complete. I am learning that holding onto the hurt, the anger, the blame, etc… only leads to a heavy load that keeps me from reflecting the love, grace, and forgiveness of a surpassingly powerful God.
What man and the world intend for evil, God can actually use for good. Difficulty and pain can lead to beauty. God can actually use our pain to refine our character, grow our passions, teach us to trust Him more, and use the healing as a motivation to show compassion to others (James 1:2-5; 2 Corinthians 1:3-5; 2 Corinthians 12:9).
I sense a renewed invitation to healing and a fresh awareness of our capacity. I find hope in the words of Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” God is never done with us. He is inviting us to travel light so that our shadow side doesn’t grow unchecked.
